Howard the Duck, Greatest Hero Ever

It’s a bold statement, but I stand behind it. The 70s were filled with diversification, including satire comics being added to the publishing lineup. That’s when a waterfowl named Howard the Duck from Duckworld joined the ranks of Marvel heroes.

Like many 30-somethings, my first interaction with Howard was watching the delightful film “Howard the Duck,” which mom and dad thought would be fine for me ’cause a goofy man-duck must be for kids, right? (Have you watched the trailer recently? That thing was marketed somewhat incorrectly.) I’ve been fascinated since learning the words to the song at the end of the film (if you don’t remember it, check it out here) but didn’t realize until seeing the cover of Secret Invasion hardcover that he’s a Marvel man. And may have been a Skrull.

Howard, or HD, (’cause he’s hi-def!) was created by Steve Gerber and Val Mayerik for Adventure into Fear #19 in an effort to give readers an ill-tempered existentialist to read about. He’s sassy, loves cigars, and really just wants to be left the hell alone.

That last sentence describes three-quarters of my friends.

Howard was sent to Earth in the year of our Lord 1973 by Thog the Nether-Spawn, because he’s a villain and that’s what villains do. Thog’s plans to gain power were thwarted by Howard, Man-Thing, Dakimh the Enchanter, Korrek the Barbarian and Jennifer Kale in the Florida Everglades. Immediately after his victory, HD accidentally teleported  to Cleveland, Ohio – the saddest victory celebration to ever happen.

In Cleveland he fought against Hellcow and Man-Frog, and Pro-Rata the criminal accountant. He hooked up with model Beverly Switzler. (Bev was played by Marty McFly’s mom in the film.) And Bev, being the girlfriend of a hero, got kidnapped by Doctor Bong.

Doctor. Bong. Who has a giant bell on his head.

That’s all lovely, but why do I boast the claim “greatest hero ever?” For many reasons, oh questioner. Many reasons.

First off, HoDu survived the addition of pants. Disney had a fit about Marvel’s duck look a helluva lot like their duck, Donald. So they gave him pants to make sure no one would confuse the two. It could have been a Felicity-haircut-moment, but no. Howard’s too powerful for that.

Speaking of which, he has no superpower. He does know Quack-Fu, but all ducks know that, according to National Geographic. And he was offered the chance to learn the mystical arts from Doctor Stephen Strange, but turned it down. Please take a moment to let that sink in. HD was too cool for Doctor emeffing Strange. He’s so awesome that he waved away the chance to learn how to have magic powers.

Howard put his name on the 1976 presidential ballot as candidate for the “All-Night Party.” And got votes in real life. Granted, he wasn’t born in the United States so he technically can’t be voted into the office of the leader of the free world, but real, live people wrote his name down as their vote anyway. People put his name on the official ballot and said “this is who I want to be my country’s leader.” (Maybe that speaks more to the level of sadness Americans had in their political leadership, or to the amount of weed being ingested in the 70s, than the Duck’s awesomeness, but it’s impressive nonetheless.)

Along with Hellcow (which might be the most fantastic villain name ever) and Man-Frog, our dear fowl also faced off against notable foes Ducktor Doom, Spider-Ham, Grey Panther, and Mister Chicken. Only the most fantastic heroes get to fight fabulously-named beings such as these. Let’s say you’re Ducktor Doom. Your name is a fun play on the guy who gives the Fantastic Four a hard time, plus it’s adorable and people like saying k-sounds. Your villainy is destined to be celebrated throughout the land, so you’re going to search high and low for the most magnificent do-gooder to challenge. It’s your duty, Ducktor Doom. And you choose Howard the Duck, ’cause he’s just. that. awesome.

Just in case you’re not convinced, and I don’t see how that’s possible, this is issue 7 of Howard the Duck:

And he is fighting a cookie.

Anyone else would have thought the Gingerbread Man was adorable, or delicious, or no real threat if it was too close to a glass of milk. Only one hero had the stones to fight a delightful confectionery bad guy. And that hero was Howard. Howard the Duck.