Reboots and Hollywood – A Love Story Gone Awry

Rebooting comic book movies has become a favorite pastime for Hollywood. With both positives and negatives to show for it, we’re starting to wonder – are reboots an effective way to jumpstart some of our favorite characters whose movies have stalled, or have they become a way for studios to release rushed movies without the consequences?

Most comic book fans will give you an animated response to the idea of comic book movie reboots. While some may be more positive than others, we can all agree that rebooting has become the new trend in Hollywood at the first sign of a failed picture. Let me be the first fan to say that one bad movie in a trilogy is no reason to scrap the entire idea and start over.  The most accurate (and aggravating) example that comes to mind is Spider-man. The first Spider-man was a treat for me. Although I’m not the biggest Spider-man fan at the ball, I know enough to be dangerous and even though looking at Kirsten Dunst’s face for two hours gave me an uncontrollable eye twitch, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

The second Spider-man, though weaker than the first, was still easily one of the better comic book movies of our time. And then came the Spider-man which we dare not speak of. Guy-liner, dance routines and a wimpy Venom killed the film series faster than the Flash and Quicksilver could adopt an African baby (it makes sense if you don’t think about it too much).  We ripped our Toby Maguire posters down from our ceilings (just me?) and retired our love as quickly as it had blossomed. Fast-forward a few years and a reboot is set to regain our love, but… wait a minute… you’re starting all over again? Look, I had no beef with how the whole “bit by a spider” thing panned out with Maguire, so I certainly don’t see the need to reshoot it with another gangly 20-something awkward faux-teen. I would’ve been happy to see the movie series continue on with new characters in the storyline it had already begun. Though Spider-Man 3 was a disaster, there was no need to start over. God forbid writers and directors have to think of a clever way to tie two films together to allow us to move on with a story without hanging on the past movie’s mistakes. Why bother when you can just reboot?

Speaking of disasters, I’d like to take a moment to talk about the one-hit wonder-less movies that we keep seeing pop up, which leads me to believe that studios will allow anyone to make a comic-book movie with the knowledge that, if it reeks, they’ll just reboot it and try again. Bruce Banner, you’re up. Now, I’d be lying to your screen if I told you that I sat through the first Hulk movie all at once without slipping into unconsciousness or blubbering like a baby to make it stop, but I saw enough to know that the The Incredible Hulk, while mediocre, was light years better. That said, was it really necessary? We started with a nearly unwatchable movie to move up to a decent one.

Would it have been so difficult to take the extra time to make it good? Maybe even great? What do we even have to show for this better reboot? The franchise is over, with Hulk being “rebooted” once again to join the *hopefully nerdgasmic* Avengers movie. So I wonder, what was the point other than picking our nerdy little pockets for that change they missed on the flop that was The Hulk: First Attempt? And the three Punishers… you know what? Let’s move on.

I sure hope that Daredevil and Superman can do better than “more watchable than Twilight” with their reboots or I’d rather they just stay stagnant. My point isn’t rocket science, ladies and gentlemen, it’s just this – you can make a good movie without rebooting a series, but if you must reboot – do it right! Oh, and some series you should probably just let die altogether *side-eye to Nic Cage*.

At this time, I’d like to take a timeout to include a personal rant of mine in an open letter to director Matthew Vaughn. The only thing worse than a bad reboot is a vague one, Mr. Vaughn. You roped us in with your impressively-done Kick Ass and your sweet nothings about an X-Men: First Class movie. I waited eagerly with bated breath, like a prom girl waiting for her date. Then the truth came out that by “First Class” you meant one First Classman, Cyclops’ kid brother, an un-Irish Banshee, and two random characters that weren’t even created until 40 years after First Class debuted.

Needless to say, I was hurt, Vaughn. You promised me an elegant evening and you showed up in a Canadian tuxedo in your grandpa’s wood-paneled station wagon. I went along with you anyway – at this point unable to stop watching the train wreck before me. Aside from Michael Fassbender’s stellar performance, I was bombarded with offensive materials, such as Charles Xavier and Mystique as loving siblings and corny roundtable discussions about assigning super-awesomesauce codenames.

You may not know this, Mr. Vaughn, but the X-Men have been my favorite comic book characters for 22 years, and you just slapped them in the face. Even now, when asked if this movie was a reboot or a prequel he answers with “whichever one makes the most sense.” Perhaps these are questions that should’ve been answered before you made the movie, Mr. Vaughn, along with how did Mystique looks so hot in X1-X3, but so fugly in Faux Class? But I digress…

Oh, and some series you should probably just let die altogether *side-eye to Nic Cage*.

I know after all this ranting you’d think that I’m completely against reboots, but I actually believe that they can work! To prove it, we have everybody’s favorite laryngitic flying rodent, Batman! Batman, Batman Returns and even Batman Forever showed us that DC knows how to make three good movies in a row where Marvel seems to hit an imaginary brick wall after 2(must not mention X3, must not mention X3…).  Alas, the magic had to end at sometime and there’s nothing better to accomplish that than bat nipples, Arnold Schwarzenegger spouting lines that Iceman clearly wrote, and Alicia Silverstone “kicking ass.”

I won’t dwell too much on Batman & Robin, as you all have suffered enough, but, needless to say, this movie put a big fat stop to the franchise. For eight years we let the filth wash away from our brains until a Batman reboot was released by the now-legendary Christopher Nolan.  Now grittier, darker and over all more badass, Batman Begins was a reboot that didn’t feel forced. It didn’t feel like Nolan was incepting us (see what I did there?) to ignore the movies before it, nor did it retell the same story. It was new and familiar all at once. With the follow-up of The Dark Knight – what many comic book nerds will helm as one of the greatest comic book movies of all time – he scored again and now we anxiously await the conclusion of Nolan’s trilogy, certain that he will be going out on top rather than pushed out by guy liner, bat nipples, and killing off half of your main characters (you said we wouldn’t mention it!). DC teaches us that reboots can work when used with care (Good thing for Green Lantern, eh? ….too soon?).

Reboots are certainly not contained to comic book movies. Comic books have been rebooted, retconned, and turned inside out more times than Tara Reid’s boob job. However, with the decades of quality comic book material, there is no excuse for a bad comic book movie. The books have already done the work for you, studios! Pick up a graphic novel for once and you’ll see a stunning storyboard already created and ready to be brought to life.  With the amount of story arcs, alternate universes and crossovers in comics, there is never a reason anyone should feel forced to reboot.

It would be best for us nerds if you studio heads would think of a reboot as gastric bypass – it’s dangerous, it should only be used as a last resort, and for the love of God, if you’re going to do it, do it right! Would you make a run down to Tijuana to get a back alley surgeon to suck your guts out? I didn’t think so.

My case rests.

 

 

The Cupcake Rogues

Reboots and Hollywood – A Love Story Gone Awry